In today’s Jewish culture, a ketubah is more than just a cultural and legal document. It is now a much-romanticized document that symbolizes a groom’s love and commitment to his bride, and vice versa. That’s why if you’re planning a Jewish wedding, you must be prepared to craft meaningful and romantic vows on your ketubah. That’s on top of designing the most aesthetically-appealing artwork that you’ll display in your house for the rest of your life.
A ketubah is supposed to be a lifelong display of the most important day in your love life. The purpose of this article is to help you create a meaningful and beautiful ketubah that you’ll cherish for a lifetime.
Affordable and Customizable Online Ketubahs
Before we share tips for wording meaningful vows, let’s first mention that you don’t have to design a basic ketubah for your magical day. Why be basic when it’s extremely easy and affordable to order a customized wedding ketubah from the internet? A good online ketubah expert guarantees quality and beauty at an affordable price. You can buy papercut ketubahs, traditional ketubahs, modern ketubahs, interfaith ketubahs, and even gender-neutral/non-binary ketubahs from online ketubah artists.
Wording Your Ketubah
For starters, what information must you include in a ketubah?
- The wedding date, either in English, Hebrew, or both. Most rabbis discourage couples from getting married on Saturday (Shabbat) before sunset. Instead of guessing, it’s best to work with your officiant to come up with the most appropriate English and/or Hebrew wedding date
- The wedding location, which captures the city, State, and country.
- The groom’s and bride’s names
- Parents’ names for both bride and groom. If your rabbi is conservative, include both sides’ moms’ and dads’ names. If he’s orthodox, the fathers’ names will suffice.
- Witnesses’ names and a place for them to sign.
Here’s a general layout of a ketubah’s introductory part:
On this,…… day of (Month) in the (Year), here in (City, State, country), (Bride’s name) daughter of (Mother’s name) and (Father’s name), and (Groom’s name), son of (Mother’s name) and (Father’s name), joined hands as husband and wife.
Note: Traditionally, the dates had to be in the Hebrew calendar. Your Rabbi should help you decide if this is necessary in your case.
After the introduction, that’s where you and your partner outline your vows. The vows can be as many as you wish as a couple but if you want to go the traditional way, 7-12 vows will be sufficient. The vows should be your honest promise to commit to your partner. They should answer basic questions such as:
- What do you hope your partner adds to your life?
- What do you intend to add to your partner’s life? How responsible do you intend to be with his/her life and livelihood?
- How will you show your partner love and affection? What’s your love language?
- How would you like to grow together, personally and socially?
- What expectations and commitments do you have concerning family?
- What’s your promise to your partner in times of crisis and/or challenges?
- How do you intend to celebrate lifecycle events together? Which holidays would you want to prioritize the most?
- How do you want to shape your partner’s and future family’s world?
- How does the extended family on both sides feature in your new nuclear family?
- How much influence do you intend to allow personal and mutual friends to have on your relationship?
- What do you expect your companionship to be like on a regular day?
- What’s your understanding of family in today’s world? What’s your take on the changing gender roles? What’s your take on feminism? What do you think about kids and their role in family growth?
- What are your shared values as a couple? For example, what’s your take on prevailing topical discussions, e.g. talk around eco-friendliness and sustainability?
After the vows, you are supposed to close with a summary statement of what the ketubah means to you. The statement should give the ketubah meaning and purpose in the context of the broader world. An example of a ketubah summary statement is, “This ketubah symbolizes our lifelong commitment to love and care for one another and to proactively work towards strengthening this partnership.”
Tips for Writing Meaningful Vows
- As much as the ketubah has to be formal, ensure that your vows are conversational. Speak to your lover.
- Be playful. Don’t be too formal and uptight when conversing with your partner.
- If you are spiritual, be sure to get in touch with your spiritual side. Align your vows to your faith and reference the highest spiritual powers that you identify with. Call upon the spiritual powers you recognize to guide you through your married life. If you are a man, you can promise to be the spiritual leader in the home.
- Using gentle and optimistic words, list your fears and weaknesses, and request your partner to help you navigate them. Promise to help your partner navigate whatever barriers might pop up in her personal, spiritual, or professional life.
- Outline your dreams and aspirations and request your partner to push you constantly and consistently towards those dreams. Promise to do the same for her/him.
- Promise to use your strengths to make your life together more magical.
- Emphasize your values and beliefs about marriage and partnership. For example, as a couple, how do you hope to incorporate physical fitness, healthy living, travel & adventure, etc. into your lives?
- Seek Rabbinical input from your rabbi or officiant. This is not mandatory, but it is better to have a third party look at your vows before you make them official. Their feedback can prove invaluable.
- Add signature blanks in the margins of the ketubah for as many witnesses as possible to sign.
Final word
The ketubah is a personal memento of your life’s biggest love celebration; a time capsule of hope and love. It’s an intimate piece of art that will decorate your home for eternity. For this, you have to take as much time as is necessary to create the perfect ketubah for you and your lover.
